then what the fuck is the use? What difference does it make then if they know or not? Least
this way I’ll be who I am, not some stupid wimp hiding…”
“Christ Noah, you’ll get the crap beaten out of you, and take it from me, that isn’t a
good feeling. Hell, it won’t make you feel any more like a man…”
“I don’t care, I mean it Dakota, if I can’t have you why should I hide who I am? So
what if I get knocked down a few times or punched, what fucking difference will that make?
Okay, it’ll hurt, I’ll probably cry too, so what? It can’t hurt any more than how I am
hurting right now, just imagining what it would be like not to hold you, not to touch you or
kiss you or anything… no, I’d rather get punched than live without you.”
He felt desperate now, seeing the look coming into Noah’s eyes and he remembered that look,
it was no different of a look than the one Montana had when he finally gave up, when he
finally let himself stop fighting and it tore deep into Dakota’s heart as he felt like he
was about to lose again. It was as if he were being shown a glimpse of what could be and then
just as he was about to reach for it, to embrace it, it was suddenly taken away from him, just
as Montana had been snatched from him too.
“Fuck… Noah… I can’t… I can’t let you do that, don’t you see? It isn’t about
a punch or two, fuck they’ll get you down, they’ll take the boots to you, fuck man they
could kill you… is that what you want?”
Strange, as much as Dakota tried to scare him he didn’t care. It was almost as if someone had switched off a light inside of him and all he could think about was how lonely, how empty his whole life would be without Dakota to share it with. It was freaky because he couldn’t understand the feeling, couldn’t quite explain it to himself let alone to anyone else but it was sort of, well sort of like without Dakota there would be a huge hole inside of him. A hole that no one could ever fill but Dakota and he just knew that he couldn’t live with that hole, it
