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what it was that they had shared? He knew one thing, that what he felt for Montana then, and still, wasn’t the same as what he was feeling for Noah, but how could he explain it? How?

Dakota “I had to Noah. He was so, he needed to know I loved him, I knew you wouldn’t understand, but I had to do it, you can’t imagine how it felt… he was so afraid, so… I just had to is all.”

Noah “But how could you? He had aids…. you could get it now, didn’t you, how could you?”

Dakota “He was my brother, I loved him. He needed me, I couldn’t let him die without knowing… I am sorry, I guess you just don’t, I guess you… I am sorry.”

First he couldn’t take Dakota inside, now he was finding out that Dakota had done it not only with his brother, but that his brother had AIDS too, and he just didn’t know what to do. Part of him wanted to run, to just scamper down the tree and run as far away as his legs could take him. His mind kept telling him to leave, to run, to escape but something held him, kept him from giving in to the panic that was raging inside of him.

He couldn’t even look at him, afraid that if he did he would grow to hate looking at Dakota’s face, at the vision he had of him inside and yet he felt himself being drawn to him, as if some strange force was taking hold, orchestrating it all and he hated it, wishing he could have just stayed safe in his nice little empty world. That was what he really wanted, because all this was so hard, so tough to understand. His heart ached though as he listened to Dakota’s voice, hearing the pain in it as well as the defiance and something inside wanted him to listen, wanted him to try to understand what could have possessed Dakota that way, or his brother for that matter. How could he have let Dakota do that if he really loved him?

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