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stop wanting to be with him or would it not make any difference?

Sitting there staring up at the sky, he knew that this wasn’t exactly how it went when he had dreamed about this time, about being with someone like Dakota. Reality was a lot different and he sat there, confused by what he had thought it would be like and what it had been like. He knew he cared for Dakota, that there was something about the way he felt each time his eyes would lock onto Dakota’s that made his heart skip a few beats as well, and yet it wasn’t quite how he had dreamed it. He never had thought about that pain for instance, and he hadn’t thought either of the need for protection and how it seemed so difficult to keep in mind, to have to take the time to use it, and he wondered if he could keep it hard enough, would he suddenly go limp because of it? What about Dakota, how did he manage to keep that weapon of his so hard and still take the time to slip that plastic cover on? Was it something you got by doing it often or what? So much to think about and yet despite all those thoughts, the primary thought still seemed to be his fear of failing Dakota.

In some ways he thought that maybe Dakota felt that way too, that maybe Dakota was just as scared, just as uncertain and yet he seemed so confident, so casual in how he had done it all, planning to have the condom in reach, planning even the time when to go for it, which wasn’t how Noah thought love making was. He always believed it was a sudden burst of desire and not something you just planned, or was it like the boy scouts, just a matter of being ready, being prepared? He shook his head a little, staring back around at the simple little tree house and he wondered if Dakota had ever done it up here with others, or was that why they were even here? Could Dakota have brought him up here so he could tell him that they could just be friends, or worse?

Dakota “My brother died of aids, did you know that?”

Noah hadn’t even noticed that Dakota had moved up to sit beside him. Both of them had their feet dangling off the edge of the platform. He turned to stare at the boy that had

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