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Gay Book 'The Locker'
Copyright © 2004 • All Rights
Reserved
How could he still want him after Noah failed him like that? Could they have sensed that and
that was why dinner was so quiet? Had they somehow seen his failure to
please written on Dakota’s face or his own? He shook a little sitting
there, wondering why it was that he just couldn’t do things right, that
every time he tried to be who he was he failed? Even his attempt at being a
part of the school had failed when he joined the drama club, and that whole
mess in wearing the dress had only embarrassed his father. Sitting there he
could still hear his father’s voice, telling him that he shouldn’t be
surprised at the writing on his locker; after all, he did dress up in a
dress, and that was what happened to kids who did that kind of stuff. He
could still hear his father telling him he should have tried out for some
sports instead, at least then when he failed it wouldn’t be so bad.
It irked him too, as he replayed that conversation in his mind that his father already had
chalked him up to being unable to play sports, that he would fail, but that
at least he wouldn’t have been branded queer like he had been for doing
the drama play. Shit, what did he really expect from him? It wasn’t like
he was gifted with a great body like Dakota or Rusty, yet his father kept at
him to try to be something he wasn’t. He shook his head, knowing that his
father would never understand if he did tell him, but how could he keep it
hidden? How could he keep his feelings hidden for so long, especially the
way they seemed to be only getting more intense, more controlling?
If anything he was feeling more alone now than before Dakota had shown up at his place that
first night, and yet something inside kept telling him that things would
change, that he couldn’t just sit back and stew about stuff. He wondered
if he’d ever have the courage to speak up to say how he really felt, when
he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned quickly to stare up to find
Dakota’s mother looking down at him. He felt an icy fear inside, thinking
that she was going to send him home or worse, tell him he couldn’t see
Dakota anymore.
He felt the tears welling up even before she spoke but the way
her eyes looked at him kept the tears from falling, kept his heart from
stopping as he waited, just looking up into
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