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yet so sad, so empty really even though people were there. It was like no one wanted to talk and yet they were desperate to do just that. He couldn’t figure it out but what he did notice was that every now and then, everyone stole glances at him and Dakota, as if they knew, which worried him. He had figured out that Arizona knew about her brother, but did his family know too?

That really was freaking him out because he couldn’t even begin to imagine what his own parents would feel if they knew how much he ached for another boy, and he doubted if either of them would accept it the way it appeared Dakota’s had or were. Maybe he was just being silly but he couldn’t get it out of his head as he waited for Dakota out on the front porch that somehow his mother at least had a suspicion that he was queer, but if she did, why hadn’t she said anything?

He wished at times he could just sit down with them and tell them, that maybe if he could just share how he was feeling that maybe it would be easier, that maybe he could get through another day just a bit easier, but he doubted if his parents would understand. He had heard his father talk about it, about how gays were sick or perverted, and his mother had agreed too and for a bit he had wondered if that was it, that maybe it was some disease or something that he could get help for, that he could take a pill for but inside; deep down he knew it wasn’t that way at all. Hell, he had proven that by the way he wanted Dakota so much, how he couldn’t even begin to control the strange emotions that ran thru him each time he thought about Dakota inside of him.

Sitting there he squirmed a bit, as he could really still feel that first press against his butt, that first jab of pain that went up his whole body as Dakota tried to enter him and he felt the searing pain even now but it was just a memory, not real, and he tried to hold it back, tears near threatening to break free and roll down his face as he realized that he had held back, that he had whimped out. How could he have been so stupid, so dumb as to not know it would hurt and instead of taking it for a moment he had run, and now he was feeling like this whole weekend was going to wind up with him once more being alone, despite all that Dakota had said.

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