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Gay Book 'The Locker'
Copyright © 2004 • All Rights
Reserved
Dakota “You did? But, I mean I hurt you, you are crying, I didn’t want to make you cry,
honest.”
Noah “I know, it isn’t your fault, it’s mine. It was just, I mean, I never thought it
would feel like that, I panicked I guess.”
Dakota “You mean that? I mean, why didn’t you say something sooner? I didn’t need to do
it, there are lots of other things we could have done. I should have, shit
you told me you never had done it and I should have prepared you better, it
isn’t your fault, it’s mine for being too damn...”
Noah “That’s not true Dakota, honest, I should have said something I guess, just that,
well, I didn’t want to ruin things, guess I blew that though huh?”
He could see the way Noah was looking at him, see the hope that filled his eyes as he waited
for Dakota to say something, to maybe do something even and, as he stared at
Noah, he realized that Noah did want him, in every way but that he just
wasn’t sure how to go about it. It struck him as he remembered his first
time, the way Montana took so much time in working him first, in preparing
him and he felt the guilt inside grow because it was what he too should have
done. Instead he let himself get caught up in the moment, get wrapped up in
what he wanted instead of thinking of what Noah needed. The pain inside only
hurt more now as he realized that as much as Noah said it wasn’t his
fault, he knew better.
There was nothing he could do about what had happened, but he
could do things differently next time and as he looked up, stared back at
Noah’s face he knew that they would have a next time because in Noah’s
face he saw the truth, saw the deep love that Noah had for him and he
shivered a little, recognizing that look as one that he had only seen once
before, the time he had stared up into Montana’s face that first and only
time that they had joined together and become almost one. It was the same
look of devotion and he
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