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Gay Book 'The Locker'
Copyright © 2004 • All Rights
Reserved
It was still too fresh, the fights, the shouts, the screams, and then the final blows, all of
which only made her heart ache more. No, they couldn’t go thru that again
and she wondered what Gary would say, or would he even speak? Would he
remember the bitter fights he had with Montana when now there was no Montana
to fight with? Would he still feel that way about them or had he changed
too? He was so quiet these days, so pained and yet he never spoke about it,
never talked to her about how he felt, and that too worried her as she
turned away from the big window, to get back to work and to try and let her
pain dull for a few more minutes.
Turning away she saw her daughter staring at her and she smiled, trying to keep her troubled
thoughts from showing, but she knew that Arizona had seen them. It was hard
enough to try to keep it from Gary and even Dakota, but somehow Arizona
always seemed to know, always seemed to be able to see past her smiling face
to the deep hole in her heart and yet as she looked at Arizona, she saw a
strange warmth, a sort of compassion that was rare to find anywhere, never
mind in a 15 year old girl. Her head tilted to one side and Rosalie smiled
as she headed to her customer under the dryer, patting Arizona’s shoulder
as she went past, feeling her daughters hand touch hers and for that brief
moment, it was almost as if they could see the pain they both had. Her heart
trembled, as she knew that Arizona was frightened too, but like her mother,
was putting on a brave face.
As her mother passed by she could feel her pain, and she wished she could make it easier,
knowing though that there really wasn’t much she could do. Everything had
changed so quickly for her that she still didn’t quite understand it all,
except that everyone seemed so sad all the time, so unhappy and yet in some
ways, they were closer than ever and yet even more distant. Hard to say
which it was at times, like this morning she had never felt closer to Dakota
than when she had made him show her that he had condoms, so that he would be
safe and when they hugged, she could feel his love for her, almost like when
Montana would reach down and toss her into the air when she had been little,
but that would never be anymore. She sighed as she finished her chores; her
quitting time almost here and it was up to her to get dinner ready for
tonight, something she was actually looking forward to.
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