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tiny little seed of a thought that made him want to be with Dakota, to care about him and for him.

He put his arms around Dakota, holding him and feeling him tremble. Even the feel of Dakota’s wet tears on his shoulder made him excited for some unknown reason. It was almost as if they were sharing something and yet he wasn’t sure what it was that they were sharing. All he did know was that Dakota had loved someone, really loved them or else he wouldn’t be crying now and that frightened him too, made him feel sort of like he had to be extra good, try extra hard to please the boy sobbing in his arms, and mainly because he wanted to have Dakota feel the same way for him now, just as he now felt for this other guy.

7:49 a.m.

Rachael Collins moved away from her son’s bedroom door, a tear running down her cheek a little and her hands were all balled up into tiny fists. She wasn’t a strong woman, or so she thought, she wasn’t exactly courageous either but she loved her son, that she knew. All this, all this talk that she had heard muffled through the bedroom door had at first angered her, frightened her too and still did, but something had stopped her from rushing in, from screaming and acting like a complete crazy woman. She didn’t know why she didn’t rush in, she didn’t know why she stood there listening either. Part of her wished she hadn’t, part of her still thought that maybe she had heard wrong, that her son couldn’t be talking that way with another boy, but in her heart she knew it was all true. She had known that for some time but she had hoped that it would pass, that it would change somehow but now she knew it wouldn’t go away.

Whatever was happening in that bedroom, she didn’t want to know, and yet being the mother she was she most certainly did want to know. She also wanted to know who this other kid was and she thought about phoning her husband, who was already gone, the commute making him leave so early these days. She hated that too but they had moved here for Noah, because they thought a smaller community offered a

 

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